That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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