While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
