If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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