We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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