I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
