you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
