I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
