I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
