I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
