so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
