turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
