Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
