She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
