i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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