The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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