my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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