The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
