dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
