i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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