Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
