Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
