i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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