Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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