sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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