every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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