i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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