Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
