38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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