I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
