I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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