that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
