Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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