So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize