After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
