Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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