I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
