im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
