Umm I'm too high to move.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
