i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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