i think my tv is drunk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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