Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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