I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
