david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
