At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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