captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
