im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
