I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
