I wish they made helmets for livers.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
