Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
