i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
