I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
