That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
