He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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