is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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