omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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