mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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