tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
