I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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