she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
