god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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