hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
