Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
