Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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