I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
