Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
