Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
