I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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