I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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